We Miss you Momma

It has been over a year since you left.  I continue to struggle knowing you can never come back.  Everyday I wake up thinking you are already on your way home, perhaps you just went to the market.   Waiting is a game of agony; to try and sleep but sleep not, to wait for one who comes not, and to try and please and please not.

Yes I continue to deny you are dead and still refuses to accept you are gone forever.  Perhaps if God would give me an audience today I would ask Him why does He have to take you away from me, from us your children.  In losing you I lost the balance of my life. Your death, to my life is the most incomprehensible of events because it crushes and scatters to the four winds the little bits of meaning that has been laboriously accumulated in life.  God became so distant and my prayers seemed to die in the voice and in time I found it difficult to even voice my concerns.

Joseph Eugene

The past year was terrible.  I longed for your presence.   I missed your voice.  And I crave for the warmth of your presence.   How I wish you can hear me now as I tell you about out children. 

Your eldest Joseph Eugene is now 18 years old.  Our first child and whom we both dotted on as our only child in our first five years is still struggling to face his life  I know he too misses you so much and from this circumstance he is forced to grow up up taking care of his siblings  Do watch over him, lovingly as you did in your mortal life.  He plans to enter SK politics as he works with the barangay.

Ma Angelica

Maria Angelica, our second child, is fast growing to be a lady.  She is now on her third year  in high school.  Young as she is she is now mommy to EJ and Edgar IV.  She remains sweet as she was when she was still a toddler.  

EJ

EJ our third child and second girl, you would be happy to note, is fast looking more and more like you - beautiful.  She cried a lot when you died and when you were buried.  She always go with me visiting your grave and would silently watch your grave.  I know she misses you so much.

Edgar IV

Our beloved bunso Edgar IV remains makulit as you know him.  He is more handsome now and he started his elementary grades this June.  Together with EJ, he too always go with me visiting your grave.  He misses you too.  He does not want me to tell you his crush in school.

It sounds absurd but I continue to wait for your return, morbid to look forward to the day I would lie down once more beside you